We have officially decided that this journey has not been an easy one. We are starting to get frustrating. We are starting to question the universe. How is it that so many children are born because of an “Oops!” and we are doing everything in our power to make having a family our reality? We are absolutely thankful that “Opps” happen, because they’ve made many people very happy and have done wonderful things to change our world for the better; but why won’t it happen for us? We have gone through months of tests and procedures, we have had five insemination’s and three failed pregnancy tests.
** Side Note: While going through this process we were also working with our local CAS and enrolled in their 9 week foster parent/adoptive parent PRIDE ( Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) training. We were asked several times if PRIDE was just a course for same sex couples, and no, it’s completely coincidental. Throughout the course we meet many different people, from many walks of life. It was a fabulous course and we often said it should be training that every parent must undergo when having children. The not so fabulous side of the training was listening to all of the stories about children being neglected, abandoned, abused and damaged. Fostering and/or adopting are options that we have always considered; especially if we couldn’t have a child of our own. Some of the aforementioned frustration may have been a result of this training as well. Why could we not be given a child, when so many people in this world who don’t love and care for their child(ren) are able to conceive and give birth to sometimes multiple children?!?! **
Although we were frustrated and somewhat resentful of the universe, we had to remind ourselves that everything in life happens for a reason. Those reasons may never be known or make any sense to us, but we need to be at peace with what life has given us. That sh!& is hard to do!
At this point in the process we decided, along with the advice and guidance of Dr. McDyke to once again attempt to find a fertility clinic to work with. We were referred to another clinic in Oshawa. We were feeling apprehensive at best, due in part to our previous clinic experiences.
We walked into an older building downtown Oshawa, found the office and walked in to a packed waiting room. A crowded waiting room was not a feature in any of the other clinics, so what was different about this one?!? There was no fancy artwork displayed on the walls, no soothing spa music greeting you through the doors; it resembled a rather typical clinical setting. We checked in with the receptionist only to find out that we weren’t booked into their system for an appointment. Fabulous! They were however, gracious enough to try and fit us in. She did warn us that we may have a little bit of a wait. We pondered whether we should hold tight and stay or just write this clinic off as another epic fail in our search.
~~ Don’t judge a book by its cover! ~~
After waiting for the better part of an hour we were called in and greeted by a very amicable, rather tall doctor. We introduced ourselves; let him know what we were looking for and how we hoped they (the clinic) could help us. He was very welcoming, attentive and reassuring. Despite not having had an appointment, in no way was he hurrying us along. He gathered some medical background from Steph and laid out all of our options. Then enters the dreaded financial discussion. If this guy told me he was going to charge us for thawing out some sperm, I was out! (Such a ridiculous friggen fee!) We were anticipating expenses that were out of our grasp. He hands us over a fee schedule and it only had a three items on it; the cost of the donor sperm, a fee for the clinic to wash the sperm and the cost of any medication that is not covered by our drug plan. There must have been a page missing, where is the administration fee, the handling fee, the cost of medical equipment needed for the procedure and the cost of the supplements you are going to try and make Steph take? So I had to ask “What about all of the other fees such as blood work and medical equipment?” He’s response “OHIP covers that!” I have no idea how the billing system works or how the hell one clinic can differ so vastly from another when it comes to cost, but at this point we didn’t even give a s&!^! Sign us up! Using this clinic was what we needed to do.
The doctor introduced us to the nurses we would be working with for the early morning blood work and ultrasound appointments. She poked Steph for some blood work while we were there that day, and we were instructed to give a call on day one of Steph’s cycle to get things started. We were able to forgo the month of cycle tracking with them because we had been tracking with our previous attempts. Giddy up! We only had a few minutes for celebration though, because we needed to get to work, order the sperm, book the appointments, confirm time off and most importantly talk nice to Steph’s uterus!
As we were leaving I a caught a glimpse of the little twinkle in Steph’s eye that told me all I needed to know; she was hopeful.